and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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