I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
