things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
