Already got asked if we're dating
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
