Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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