In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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