Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
