haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
