I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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