You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
