I want to stick my p in your. b.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
