True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
