do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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