I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
