Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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