I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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