Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize