Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
