what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
