my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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