She's JV to your varsity
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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