I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
