Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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