That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
