Jerry, you need to find god
stop calling my apartment porn island.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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