Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
