After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
