I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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