I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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