I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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