i wish my penis had a tongue
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
