it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize