gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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