WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
