we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
