you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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