I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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