i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
