Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
