Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
