So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
