Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
can u get pink eye on your cock?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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