If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
