Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
