thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
