my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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