im about as happy as oj after his trial
she smelled like a LAN party
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
