my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
