the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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