I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
