she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
