We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
