i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
