He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What a dumb baby whore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
