So drunk its hurt
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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