Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
