I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize