Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
