I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
