i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
