your room smells of hookers.
And success
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
