tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
this hospital has no fireball
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need a beard to bite.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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