I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
